Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
