yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
