and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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