the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
