I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
