if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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