so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
