You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
