i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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