Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
