lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
