My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
