Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
