At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
