Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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