Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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