we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
