have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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