Just took my morning after pill in the library
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
