at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize