I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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