i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
