I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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