I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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