I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
