your thong is hanging out like whoa
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
