I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
