Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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