i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
