What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
