bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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