I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
