I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
