It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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