sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize