its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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