Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
