i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
