thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
