Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
