I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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