I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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