Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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