Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
