if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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