you will always have a special place in my vag
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
