I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
