True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
