Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
