i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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