Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
