Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
