He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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