Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
