She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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