Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
