I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
