omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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