i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
