I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
