I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize