Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
