i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
