when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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