don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
