Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
