Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
