Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mom said you looked used
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
