oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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