margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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