I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
