i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
