I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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