I wanna bring you to show and tell
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
