Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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